Keep Smiling, Keep Shining

Here’s some truth—-you need friends!

I am very serious and I am speaking this from the bottom of my heart.  It seems like this may go without saying, but I am saying it anyway.  And if nothing else, I need to be reminded of this myself!

When I was younger, like when I was a kid, I LOVED making new friends.  And this was something that was easy and not easy for me.  It was easy because I was outgoing and eager to meet new people.  It was not easy because I was homeschooled and did not meet new people very often! 

I still love making new friends, keeping up with old friends, but….

Here is the hard part…how often do we actually call on our friends?  I mean really reach out and connect, ask for advice, pour out our hearts, lean on them?

I remember a day a couple of years ago.  I was having a rough time, just trying to sort through some things, dealing with adulting.  I had plans one day for a friend to come over to visit.  We had made these plans a couple of weeks earlier, no big deal.  Except that day it felt like a very big deal.  I didn’t want to see her.  I didn’t want to see anyone.  I just wanted to have my rough day all to myself.  I knew I could self-talk my way back to normal, I just needed some time and space.  

I nearly canceled on her, but I decided that would just be rude, and I could self-talk myself after our visit.  So she came over.  I visited some, and then I lost it.  I cried.  I confided.  I leaned on her for support.

I had to tell her that I nearly canceled our plans.  That it was not my intention to need her to console me.  That I was ready to be just fine all by myself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “this is what friends do for each other.”

I promise I could hear Dionne Warwick singing in the background!

She was right.  Why would we have friends if not to confide in them and lean on them? 

Some people may just be better at connecting than I am, but like most other things, I do not believe I am totally alone on this one.  Especially for those of us in the season of raising our kids.  I don’t know what it is about parenting, but it can become extremely isolating.

I think we can get easily wrapped up in our schedules and commitments. I think sometimes there can be a fear that we are the only ones going through whatever it is we are going through.  I think there can be a fear of judgement that maybe we aren’t doing things right.  And I think there can be a real time constraint of having the time and space to connect with other adults who are also wrapped up in their own schedules and commitments.

I am learning, I need to not only be a friend to others, but I need to reach out to the people that are a friend to me.  I have found that the more open I am with others, the more open they are with me, and we are both better because of it.  I have found that most people I connect with are relieved when we can both share and say, “me too!” 

I have also found that putting off a visit until you both have time will most likely never happen.  I had been trying to get together with some dear friends for a while, trying to get our families together, trying to carve out a weekend we could all visit.  When week after week and month after month passed with nothing on the calendar, we decided to change that!  We said forget the family get togethers, forget the long weekends, let’s meet halfway for lunch.  We put these lunch dates on the calendar a month in advance.  We haul our kids, we lunch when one of us has a headache, we drive through the pouring down rain.  We know that our lives are enriched when we can fill each other’s cups and leave with ours overflowing as well.

I have been fortunate over the years to meet and to know and to grow close to very many special people.  They enrich my life, listen to me, share with me, teach me, grow with me, and minister to me.  Whether it is my weekly workout partner that is also my weekly sounding board, a long distance call from a friend checking to make sure I have the curtains open so I can let the light in, a listening ear when I first admit my big dreams, or a late night message asking for prayers, I treasure each of these people and what they bring into my life.

It may be easier said than done, but you probably need to phone a friend.  I am being very serious.  Whether you need to call a friend from college, your bestie you haven’t talked to in a while, your close friend that lives across the street or across the globe, it’s always a good time to chat.  They may need to hear from you or you may need to talk to them, either way, you’ll both be glad you did!  

Truth is, we are all going through something.  Truth is, most of us have no idea what in the hell we are doing.  Truth is, the more we can share, the more we will learn, and if nothing else, the better we will feel.  The truth is, “that’s what friends are for!”