To Be Everything

It is never my intention to complain.  It is always my intention to be truthful.  Here is my attempt at both.

I am worn out.  I’m not going to lie.  This week and the weeks that will follow are and will be hectic!  There, I’ve said it.  But even though every day of every week is spoken for, that is not the hardest part.

We have three kids all involved, heavily involved, in their schools and activities.  We have two more kids that are younger, that are involved in their own activities, and that are toted along to every event we attend.  And that’s great.  Really.  We love that our kids are active and feel called to serve and participate.

But there’s another side to it.  The side of being the supportive, involved parent that has to pick and choose which of each kid’s events we will attend.  

Our kids and what they do are the center of our daily routines.  We really love attending their events and cheering them on from the sidelines.  When they were younger and all played youth basketball, we were involved and exhausted, but it was different.  Just like it is today, we had three kids involved in a sport…but the big difference was they never played at the same time as each other.  We were there for each and every kid at each and every game each and every time.  

That’s certainly not the case now.  

We literally attend games three to four nights per week, which is fine, it really is no big deal, we love it. The difficult part in all of this is having multiple kids scheduled on the same nights at the same time.  Each week we have to make a decision as to who goes where to watch what. That is really and truly the hardest part of all. 

As we journey through this busy time, I find myself heartbroken to tell one kid that I or we cannot attend what they are doing because we will be at an event for one of the other kids.  It’s so hard to “choose” where one of us will be at any given time.  We are struggling on how to make things fair and to make sure each kid is cheered, supported, and represented.  I have realized that this feeling stems from me and us wanting to be everything to each kid and to be at every thing for each kid.  I think it is something we really thought we could pull off…until now.

Of course I realize we are the parents of five kids. But I will tell you, I visit with lots of parents at lots of events, and I have found, it’s not just us.  I think whether you have one kid, two kids, or ten kids, we all at some point struggle to balance our schedules and activities.  I have visited with the mom trying to figure out how to be at a Taekwondo competition for one kid and a marching band performance for the other.  Or the dad that has to figure out how to wrap up that business trip in time to make the kid’s soccer game. Or the parent whose work schedule simply does not allow for them to be off on time to see their kids perform. I know we are all faced with kids, jobs, commitments, family needs, etc., and we are all out there just trying to do our best. 

I will tell you truthfully and honestly, I am not complaining, not at all.  And truthfully and honestly, there have been some unexpected treasures in all of this as well. 

One is to hear the kids encourage us to go watch one of the other kids because they understand (even when we don’t) we can’t be at everything.  It is so sweet to hear their rationale….you’ve been to all of my games, don’t miss one of hers….I know you want to be here, but I want you to be there….you can watch me next week, make sure you don’t miss him play. 

The other is the opportunity to know they will cheer and play their little hearts out even when we are not there. That the things they do they are doing for themselves and for others.  That they do not rely on us for constant validation and praise.  

In all of this, I am learning that as much as I want to be everything to every person, I simply cannot do it.  I am learning that may be an unrealistic expectation. I am learning to accept that it is ok.  I think our kids are learning that doing everything you would like to do as a parent is a struggle, situations may not always seem fair, and that even big kids have to share. The lesson for me in all of this is to love them, support them, and do all that I can for them, knowing that I can’t do it all. I will truthfully and honestly tell you that it is not easy, but I am learning….one night at a time…from the bleachers….