Do Find Joy

Oh, the holidays.  A time to be happy, and together, and giving.  A time to be thoughtful, and grateful, and cheerful.  It also tends to be a time of stress and worry.  A time to be short-tempered and irritated.  A time to be worked up and overworked.  But I really do not think that it has to be that way.  Trust me, I have spent plenty of holidays in a bad mood, but I have realized that most of that is my own doing and I can easily undo that or do it another way.  

I have compiled a little “Dos and Don’ts” list for the holidays.  If decking the halls leaves you feeling like you are going to deck the next person that asks you something, this may be for you.  Since I am a person that practices what I preach, these are things that I have either learned to let go, things I have learned to do or stop doing, or things I am working on this year through constant self-reminders and some strong self-talk!

DO:

—Do smile at the sales associates…even if they don’t smile at you first.  Most times, they can’t help but smile and laugh by the time I am finished with them.

—Do go to the grocery store alone if you need quiet time, then just sit in your quiet car before you even go into the store. I have found this to work wonders.

—Do find one person you want to do something special for…even if that simply means meeting up for coffee, calling them up, or giving a little gift.  I much prefer this to insignificant gifts for multiple people.

—Do make room for changes when a change is needed…I had to let go of attending Midnight Mass when I realized it was torture for our small children.  Now we go during the evening on Christmas Eve and everyone is much happier.

—Do think of ways to make gifts special…I saw a friend wrapped supplies needed for experiences throughout the year such as picnic supplies, movie night supplies, etc. 

—Do attend social gatherings that are fun, fit into your schedule, and that bring you joy.  If you find it to be too stressful or too much to fit in, then skip it.

—Do go for walks.  Holidays can be overwhelming with all of the decisions and people and togetherness and stuff to do.  I think going for a walk is great exercise and a great way to gather my thoughts.

—Do make time to pile into the car to go look at Christmas lights.  The memories and the laughter are totally worth it.

—Do drink hot chocolate with the kids.  I promise this makes them feel special.

—Do teach your kids to be gift-givers.  Give them a budget and someone to buy for like parents and siblings and let them pick out the gift. It always amazes me the things our kids think to give to each other.

—Do regain focus on the meaning and the purpose of the holiday season. Whether that means awaiting the birth of Jesus, reconnecting with family and friends, or telling those you love how you feel, focus on that…not anything else. 

DON’T:

—Don’t go crazy trying to find a perfect gift.  So much of what makes gifts special is simply that you thought of the other person…not how much time or money you spent hunting it down.

—Don’t participate in “Secret Santa” or other gift exchanges UNLESS doing so makes you happy and brings you joy.  If buying multiple gifts is a strain on your budget or your sanity, it is not worth it.

—Don’t buy a gift for someone just because they buy a gift for you.  That is really not the purpose of gift-giving.

—Don’t try to make the house or the menu or the wrapping paper or anything else perfect.  You can make it special, but do not strive for perfection…it is exhausting.

—Don’t go to every single thing you are invited to. Only RSVP if going makes you excited and will bring you joy.  

—Don’t try to keep up with whatever you see on social media.  If you find yourself worrying too much over other people and things, take a social media break.

—Don’t try to make everyone happy.  I have found this to be impossible and heartbreaking.  Do the best you can and pat yourself on the back.

—Don’t think your kids have to buy gifts for each of their friends.  If our kids want to buy for their friends, it is up to them to earn the money to do so (that could even mean doing things for me for which I pay them, but it has to be that important to them).

—Don’t talk to yourself negatively…there’s no room or need for it.

—Don’t feel guilty over enjoying holiday food.  If you’re going to stick to a healthy eating plan then do it, but if you’re not, then just give yourself permission to enjoy all the holiday goodies and then get back on track later.  It’s too stressful to beat yourself up over every little food choice.

—Don’t compare yourself to other parents.  This goes for what parents are buying for their kids. This goes for the parent that brings the perfect holiday craft to the kids’ class party. This goes for anything that makes you feel inferior.  Stop comparing.  Just stop.  You be you.

The truth is, there is a magic to the Christmas season, but it is up to us to find it and to share it.  It’s not in the stores, it’s not online, it’s not anything you can google or anything you can buy. It is in our hearts and in our actions.  

I hope this Christmas season you are truly joyful!