Mom Grace

You ever get that feeling of “Oh, my gosh, what just happened? What did I do? What did I forget to do?” That feeling of “I can’t do it all.” That feeling where you think you’ve just had a “Mom Fail.”

You don’t have to scroll through social media for very long or even talk to your best mom pal very often to see or to hear about it.  Is it because as mothers we are really failing that much or that often? 

Most definitely not!

It seems that we moms get this idea in our heads that we will do things perfectly, or we will do them right, or we can somehow juggle more balls than a professionally-trained circus juggler.

I remember all too well my first big “Mom Fail.” Now I know there were some before this, and I have had my fair share since, but this is the day I learned I just couldn’t do it all (boy, was that a reality check!). 

I was the proud mother of two sweet little ones; our son was not quite three, and our brand new baby daughter was maybe two or three weeks old.  She was tee-tiny.  By this time, I was on my own with the two kids and I was getting a bit stir crazy, so I decided I would go to the mall.

Yes, I had it all planned out.  I would just go in between the baby’s feeding schedule which means she would sleep the entire time.  She would be tucked safely into her carseat attached to the stroller, and our almost three-year-old was such a good walker, there would be no problem.  And there wasn’t.  At first.

When it was time to leave, the elevator I needed was out of order.  For whatever reason, I got it in my head that I would just take the escalator instead.

We had used the escalator plenty of times with the big stroller.  You just push it on to the first step and hold on.  No biggie.  We did it all the time.

So picture it, we’re on the second floor needing to go down.  I grab hold of the stroller, push it on to the first step, and get on the next step, and we’re all set.  Heading downstairs.  Easy-peasy.  

As we make our descent, I am telling my two-year-old to come with me.  For him to get on the escalator. 

He doesn’t move.

I am going down, down, down with the baby in the stroller and I am moving farther and farther away from my petrified toddler.  I begin to panic as the distance between us grows and he continues to stand at the top of the escalator just calling and calling after me.

It was horrible!  I was completely helpless.  I had to ride the escalator all the way down.  There was no other way.  There was no turning back.  But there was my precious little one, begging me to come get him, frozen in fear.

Now, is this absolute worst case scenario? No.  Is this the worst possible thing that could have happened to us that day? Of course not.  But it certainly rocked this mama’s world!

Thankfully, and I mean that with all my heart, an older lady walked up to my son.  Just as I reached the bottom of the escalator, she was at the top with my frightened toddler. She bent down, grabbed his hand, and called down to me asking if it was okay if she rode down the escalator with him.  We were reunited.  We made our way out of the mall, and honestly, I don’t know how long it was before I ever ventured out with both kids on my own again.

I would like to tell you I learned all I needed to know that day and things have been nothing short of perfect since.  But we all know, that’s not how this works.  Not at all.

There was that time after a long afternoon of me grading and the kids playing in the hallways, I was struggling to get the kids rounded up for us to go home. I had threatened our third grader that he had better come with me or I would “leave” him there.  As I got in the car to “leave,” he stood out on the sidewalk, frozen, not moving towards me to get in my car. I thought he was just being defiant until I saw it.  The coral snake stretched out on the sidewalk between my son and my car (yes, same son as the escalator…poor kid)!

There was that time we wrapped up our little girls in their towels after their bath, as we always did.  Suddenly the five-year-old slipped on some water in the bathroom and was unable to catch her fall since her arms were wrapped snuggly in her warm towel.  It took several stitches to her bottom lip that night.

There was the time our ten-year-old had her thumb accidentally slammed in a car door.  For days she said how bad her thumb still hurt.  It was one week—one week—after the incident I took her to the doctor only to find out her thumb was broken.

And the time we completely missed our daughter’s student-led conference in kindergarten.

Seventeen years and five kids later, I am still very far from perfect, but I have learned a few things. I have learned we are all doing the best we can. I have learned that loving these little people with all our hearts is really what they need.  And I have learned that there’s a good chance, I haven’t messed up too bad so far.

And most importantly, I have learned to release the mom guilt and to give myself grace instead.  Give yourself grace every day and in all things…because the truth is, you really are doing a great job!