Go With the Flow

I don’t know about you, but for me, things do not always go as planned. No matter how much planning and preparation go into something, no matter how much I hope and hold on for things to go a certain way, some things are just out of my control. Sometimes, I have to just go with the flow.

Today was a perfect example of things not going the way I would have hoped they would go.

We spent a fun weekend with both family and friends. This morning, we got up, got packed, and started the nearly 400 mile trek back home. According to the trusty maps app we use, the trip should take less than six hours. But if you have ever traveled with children—and we travel with five children—then you know that the maps app is not entirely correct. We have traveled enough for me to know I should hope for one thing but I should expect another. So as we headed out, I hoped for a six hour long trip, but I expected it to take closer to eight.

And that is how I handle most situations where I know I will have little to no control over the outcome. I hope for the best, but I expect whatever it is I have experienced in the past. I joke with my friends and say that I keep my expectations low so that I am not disappointed. That’s the short version of it, but the longer version is to mix hope and optimism with a little wisdom and experience.

I find this to be incredibly helpful around this time of year as well. The holidays can be a very joyous time, but it can be a difficult time as well. It can be a time of struggle for many different reasons.

Some struggle because they have experienced hurt or heartache and this time of year is a reminder of that loss.

Some struggle because they are unable to be with the ones they love because of distance or other obstacles.

Some struggle because it is difficult to be with the ones they love due to hurt feelings or misunderstandings or even differing viewpoints or personalities.

Some struggle because it is difficult for them to be away from home or difficult for them to have so much interaction.

And some struggle because they have experienced any one of these hardships but they expect things to suddenly be different or expect things to somehow be better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a total optimist. I show up with a heart full of hope in almost every situation. But I also know that change is hard, and if there has not been a clear signal that things would have gotten better, then things will probably be the same way as they were before.

And I am here to say, that is okay. I am here to say, we can just go with the flow.

If you know someone may be distant because they are going through a hard time, that is okay, give them the time and space and support they need.

If you are trying to spend time with someone but they are unable because of time or money or distance or some other hardship, that is okay, give them the understanding they need while they are in this season of their lives.

If you know being around a certain person can be tense for one reason or another, or one misstep can lead to hurt feelings, that’s okay, try to let things roll off or don’t take it personally.

The truth is, we truly can hope for things to be better, but unless we have poured into helping make changes, chances are, things will be the same as they were before. And that is okay. I have found that most things that are not in my control are not about me in the first place.

As for our drive home today, I hoped for six hours, I expected eight hours. The drive home was completely out of my control. There were traffic jams, car accidents, lane closures, road construction, and just heavy post-holiday traffic. Kids needed to go to the restroom, then they were hungry, then they needed the restroom again. It feels like we just drove, and drove, and drove. It took us nearly nine hours to get home. According to what I expected to happen, we were just over an hour of how long I thought it would take!

The truth is, we can be hopeful for the best and we can expect what we have gotten before. We can take the lead on the things we can control and we can accept and be understanding of the things we cannot. The truth is, we can go with the flow and we will be okay!

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