What I Have Learned

Like any typical family, my teenagers like to give me a hard time. They like to tease me and tell me things like:

“Why do you do that?” 

“You’re so extra!”

“You really gonna be in my business like that?”

“What if someone sees you!”

And the list literally goes on and on. 

If, at this stage in their lives, there was any possible way to speak reason to them or to get them to understand where I am coming from, the one thing I would say back to them is, “I learned it from you.”

When my teenagers want to know why I am so curious as to where they are and who they are with and what they are doing, when they want to know why I ask so many questions, why I peek around the corner, why I want to meet the person who is here to pick them up, and when they ask me why I’m “such a helicopter parent,” this is what I have to say: “I learned it from you!”

My little baby, you are the one that as soon as you could crawl you would follow me from room to room wherever I would go. You are the one who would accompany me every time I went to see a friend, every time I sat down to dinner, every time I got in the car to go somewhere. And let us not forget, you are the one who I can still picture your pudgy little fingers wedged underneath the bathroom door when I was just trying to have one minute to myself! Yes, I may have a family tracking app on all of our phones, but we should all be thankful we can go to the bathroom alone!

When my teenagers want to know why I am still awake, why I don’t sleep well at night, and why I hear every noise in the house, I just want to tell them, “I learned it from you!”

Sweet child, from the minute you were born, I don’t think I have slept well…and not at all at first. Yes, these days even the sound of you rummaging through the fridge at night wakes me up because I once had to wake up at the sound of your little baby grunts, your little baby coughs, and your shrill baby screams. Yes, I can stay awake and wait for you to come home because I once had to stay awake and make sure your fever broke, stay awake to make sure you could go back to sleep after a scary dream, and stay awake so I could eventually put you back into your own bed. And just like I could then hear your tiny footsteps tiptoeing to my side of the bed to tell me what you needed, I still listen for that door to creak open so you can tell me you are home and headed to bed.

When my teenagers want to know why I don’t drive off until they are safely inside someplace, when they want to know why I hug and kiss them and hug and kiss them again, when they want to know why I get so excited when they come home, they need to hear me say, “I learned it from you!”

Towering teenager, I can still feel your tiny body wrapped around my leg on the first day of Pre-K. I can picture those little feet walking over with the teacher to get started on a project so I could get going. I still remember the longing look we gave over each our shoulders as you went off and I headed out the door. I can still feel your wet little kisses “just one more time” when I would leave you so I could go to work. And I can feel the tight warmth of your little arms wrapped around my neck when you would jump up to hug me when I would return. Oh, sweet little one, you taught me to hug and kiss and hug and kiss again.

And now, as the teenagers head out on their own more and more, to farther and farther away places, they want to know how they will know what to do. As we map out next steps and future plans, they want to know how I know they can do it. As we look ahead into the unknown, they want to know how to have faith they can make it on their own. They need to know I know they can, and that “I learned it from you!”

You have been teaching me from the very beginning, you can do this. I know this because I watched you as a teetering toddler let go of the couch and walk across the room on your own for the first time. I know this because I felt the cool air brush across my hand when you let go of it and walked in all by yourself. I know this because I heard your reassuring words to me when you asked to ride on your bike alone, to go off with a friend alone, to go off in the car alone. You confident and bold little person, I am telling you I know because “I learned it from you!”

The truth is, I do” helicopter” and I am “extra” and I am never worried about if “someone is going to see me.” My precious little one, I don’t think you were all that concerned about who was watching the day we were out shopping, I was holding you on my hip, and you totally lost your lunch right down my shirt, down my jean skirt, down my bare leg, all the way down to my flip-flops! I think we are past worrying what people will think!

The truth is, I have been learning from these babies, these toddlers, these self-assured kids, and these freedom-seeking teenagers this entire time. I hope one day, when their reason returns, they find they have learned something from me, too!