“Do as I say and not as I do.” How many times have we said this to our kids? Sometimes they listen, and sometimes they don’t. For as long as I live, I will remember the feeling I had when I realized, he listened. As I sat in the driver seat of our car, watching the taillights of his car drive away, with singular tears making their way down my cheek, I knew, he had listened. As Brandon and I talked on the way home about the choices our son made and what those choices mean for his future, we knew his life would be forever the better.
This particular night really dates back to our son’s freshman year of high school when he needed a new phone. We have a deal with our kids that we will buy their first cell phone for them at an age that it is convenient for us that they have one. For our oldest son, it was in fifth grade when he was staying after school for extra-curricular activities and was going to basketball practice in the evenings. By the time our son was a freshman in high school, he felt it was time he got a new cell phone (and yes, yes he did need a new one), and he knew it was his responsibility to pay for it.
At the end of his eighth grade year, we had pitched an idea to him and his friend that they could clean windows in the neighborhood to earn money. Think of it the same way some kids start lawn care services, only our son strongly dislikes doing lawn care (I’m sure we ruined that for him by making him our family lawn care guy). Even though our son and his friend thought it was a good idea, they didn’t get it started at the time. It wasn’t until our son needed to buy that new phone, that he talked to his friend, and they started their window washing business. It didn’t take long for them to get customers, earn enough money to buy the phone, and to see they liked having spending cash. From then on, the boys kept their business going and growing.
Fast forward two years to when our son turned 16. We made a deal with him (and the deal stands for our next kids in line as well) that he could have full use of one of our cars from the time he got his drivers license until the time he turned 18. We agreed that we would cover gas, insurance, maintenance and anything else that may come up, as long as he was working and saving his money to eventually buy his own car. We were very clear that we wanted him to experience life debt-free. The deal concluded that at the end of those two years, he would have to hand the car down to his sister, and he would be responsible for paying cash for his own car, without any financing. No matter how much he would have saved at the end of the two years, that was the amount he would available to pay for his car. He could spend less, but he could not spend more, and this was all spelled out and agreed upon.
So our extra car became his “work car,” and he and his friend hauled that ladder and a couple of squeegees all over town. They learned to be their own boss and to keep their own schedule. They worked around school, football, church mission trips, and family vacations. They had money for concerts and girlfriends. And what started off as a way to buy a new phone at 14, turned into a way to pay cash for a car at 18.
And let me tell you, paying in one lump some, with your own money, sure will put things into perspective. His dream car went from a brand new car, to a preowned truck, to the car he eventually bought. A preowned Toyota Prius! He spent far less than he had saved and he wanted to avoid the ongoing expense of high fuel costs.
In all of this, we had the pleasure of watching him whittle down his wish list and narrow down the things that were most important to him. As he shopped for deals on preowned, he turned down things like leather and sunroof so he could keep the price as low as possible. He paid attention to mileage and whether or not the car had been properly serviced over the years. He looked for things like bluetooth as a safety feature so he could utilize features on his phone while driving. He turned down deals on cars including when a salesman wouldn’t come down another $250 because that $250 was above his budget and keeping it meant more to our son than purchasing that particular car. He had money in hand, he did his homework, and he was patient.
We have had lots and lots of proud parent moments, and this will go down in parenting history for us as one of them. We knew the unforgiving sun he worked under during all of those hot summer days. We knew the ache in his legs as he climbed up and down the ladder, window after window, job after job. We knew the Saturday mornings following the Friday night football games he was up and gone to work. And on this particular hot August evening, as the car air conditioning was blowing cold air in my face, we knew he knew the value of hard work and for paying for what you want.
On our drive home, we reminisced about our first cars, and car payments, and the weight of being responsible for that debt. We talked about the cars—and the financing of those cars—we’ve had since then. And we talked about how we are now different, how we now make different decisions, and how we are teaching our kids to make different, better decisions, too.
The truth is, as parents we are always learning and we are always teaching. We’ve learned a lot of painful (and pricey) lessons in our day, and it is our hope to keep our kids from doing some of the things we have done. We are teaching our kids to do as we say, and we are gradually learning to do as we say as well.
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