It was four years ago, Sebastian had a JV Football game, and I was going to be there to watch him play. We have a rule in our family that our kids will never compete or perform and we’re not there to watch them. As a former high school principal, I would see my students pour their hearts out on the court or on the field and not have a parent there to support them. Ever. And it just broke my heart. As long as our kids have been involved in school extracurriculars, we have always been there to cheer them on. For this particular game, I was the one designated to be there to watch him play, as Opal had another commitment on the same day and time with one of our other kids. We knew I would be traveling to his game directly from the airport after having been gone for three days at a work event. I’ll save you all the details, but short story is, I was about 30 minutes late to his game. It was the second quarter by the time I arrived. It was during the first quarter, Sebastian scored his first ever touchdown. He scored the touchdown and when he looked up in the stands to see the look on my face, I wasn’t there. No one from our family was there to see it.
This particular JV Football game of Sebastian’s was on Thursday, September 21, 2017. I know this because it was not just Sebastian’s first ever touchdown. It was his only touchdown his entire middle and high school football career. And no one was there to see it happen.
For years, I’ve dreamed of saying yes. Whether it was one of the kids asking to go somewhere or do something, or Opal asking if I’d be home in time for dinner that evening or tuck-ins that night. Will you be at my game this week? Is this a no-travel weekend for you? Can you walk me to school tomorrow? For nearly two decades, the questions have come in all shapes and sizes. And no matter the question, I always wanted to say yes.
For years, I thought the way of providing the best life for my family was by focusing on my career. I thought if I get this degree and this job and then that salary, just think of the life I’d be able to provide. Don’t get me wrong, I loved what I did and I still do, I just focused on this societal definition of success to a fault. And the career path I passionately pursued pulled me away from my own family in my effort to serve others. Whether it was duty at athletic games or band concerts, board meetings or conference travel, graduate classes or evening work functions, I allowed myself to be consistently pulled from my family.
I wanted to say yes so many times. I remember thinking we have the time to do some of the things we wanted to do but we didn’t have the money. Or we’d have the money but not the time. It just never seemed to work out to where we had both.
Finally, Opal and I said no more. For years, we had been having these conversations about “a simple life.” I’d say just imagine if we didn’t have all this debt weighing us down. Just imagine if we were able to take our time back. Just imagine a life where every day didn’t seem like we were climbing back in that hamster wheel, working hard and seemingly getting no closer to the life we truly desired. Just imagine if we didn’t live our life conforming to the societal norms and expectations that we work 40-60 hour workweeks for decades, all while counting down until retirement. What if we just got out of this rat race and traded in this so called “American Dream” for a dream of our own.
So we did just that.
This past year, we decided to take our own advice and passionately pursue a simpler life that values time over money. We downsized and purged. We sold a car, a big suburban house and new inground pool, and many of the things that were cluttering not only our home, but our lives, as well. We got clear about our values and took the time to rediscover our dreams. And by January 1 of this year, we had eliminated our debt, and were relocated to a 115-year old historic home in the beautiful mountains of North Carolina.
And today…well, today marks what is likely the most exciting new beginning of all!
Today, I began working part-time. I am working part-time for the first time since I was a student over 20 years ago.
In my and Opal’s conversations for the past 5+ years, I would describe a life where I was still professionally fulfilled and able to provide for my family but had the time I needed and wanted to be fully present in our kids’ lives. At some point along the way, I dubbed it “PREtirement.” Rather than making a career the priority and counting down until retirement when our house would be empty of tiny footsteps and sibling chatter, I wanted to blur the lines of the working years I have remaining and the gift of time freedom while our kids were still young—a hybrid of sorts. It turns out that with some clarity on our deeply-held values, a lot of determination and sacrifice, and an endless amount of faith, our wildest dreams are completely attainable!!
Today, I said yes. I was the one who said yes to reading library books in the tent in the front yard. I said yes to playing in the rain. And I said yes to my first-ever game of “Water Wars” spraying the kids with a water hose while they took cover under umbrellas in the driveway.
But I’m most proud of saying yes to me. Yes to my dreams. Yes to God that we would truly live our lives in faith and not fear. That we would continue to take these steps one at a time as long as He continued to show us the way.
There is no way to relive that football game and to be there to see that touchdown, but to be honest, I don’t want to go back. I want to continue moving forward saying yes. Yes, when Sebastian calls in the middle of the day. Yes, when he says he is coming for a weeklong visit. Yes, to dropping everything just to spend time with him.
I am in awe of the power in saying yes to the things that matter most.
I’m so thankful we finally listened. I’m so grateful we said yes.
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