Inside Voice

I have a confession to make. For whatever reason, this is rather difficult to admit.  Maybe because I have been hiding it for so long…keeping it quiet all these years.  But like most things, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.  

So here it is…I cuss like a sailor (no offense to actual sailors).  Ok, not me.  Like not the me that most people know.  No, it’s my inside voice that talks that way.  Not like the “you’re in the library so use your ‘inside voice’” voice…it’s the voice that is just in my head.  And boy, does she have a potty mouth!

I won’t go into specifics of expletives. For some people, you may think, “My goodness, I can’t even say those words in my head!”  For others, you may say, “Is that all you’ve got?” But no matter where you draw your line, my inside voice has a vocabulary that includes the words that are on the other side of the line I have drawn for myself.  Where my outside voice would never say these things, especially around the children, my inside voice just lets it all out!

Growing up, my mom would use “bad words.” That’s how and when we knew we really should have quieted down, or we really should have cleaned up like she told us, or we really went too far on whatever it was we were or were not doing.  I’m not dogging her parenting style…not at all…to each their own.  I just knew that was not something that I wanted to be a part of my parenting style.  So I vowed at some point not to use “bad words” as a way to get my point across.

In my experiences as a mom these past 17 years, I have learned there are so many other times one may want to use “bad words” when parenting…so many situations I have had to find other ways to let out my frustrations.

I first realized how much little eyes are watching and little ears are listening when our first born was just two or three years old.  He had some kind of little toy that had some kind of little ball.  Well that little ball would roll away from where he was playing and would go right underneath this big TV cabinet.  Every time the ball would roll under, he would ask me to get it.  And every time I had to get it, I would go over to the TV cabinet, say “Shoot” (only I didn’t say “shoot”), I would get down on the floor, and I would get the ball.  Every. Single. Time. 

Until one day, after days and weeks of this happening, I told him he would have to get the ball himself.  That little boy walked over to the TV cabinet, said “Shoot” (only he didn’t say “shoot”), he got down on the floor, and he got the ball.  It was very clear mama was going to have to clean up her act!

From then on, I started to use my inside voice.  I would like to tell you that I just abandoned “bad words” altogether, but that’s just not what happened.  Instead, I learned to say everything I had to say in my head or sometimes, if no one is around, under my breath.

Goodness, does she (my inside voice) say the darnedest things! 

Ball rolls under the TV cabinet…Bleep!

Kid spills his cereal and milk all over the table…Bleep!

Standing in the check out lane when your potty-training toddler suddenly has to potty…Bleep!

I trip over a scooter in the middle of the night that has been parked right outside my bedroom door…Bleep!

I’m cleaning up bedroom carpet at 2 am that’s the aftermath of a stomach virus…Bleep!

I find a stash of dirty clothes stuffed behind a toy box after kid assures me they’ve cleaned their room…Bleep!

Kids fighting over a stuffed animal…Bleep!

Kids fighting in the back seat…Bleep!

Kids spilling Cheetos all over the back seat…Bleep!

I mean, most stuff is pretty minor, other things a little more frustrating.  I try not to let the unimportant things really bother me, and using my inside voice helps me to say the things I need to say without saying (out loud) any of the things I shouldn’t!

I don’t know about you, but this parenting gig comes with some frustrations.  Maybe other people do a better job than I do of letting things roll off or maybe you have your own way of letting off some steam. 

What I do know is I am a mom…but I’m also just a regular person…a regular person that has to find ways to not lose my mind some days.  The truth is, we have to find our own little ways to get through the less fun and not so glamorous moments.  Sometimes the best thing I can do is just use my inside voice!