It’s no secret I am a huge Marie Kondo fan. I first read her book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, a few years ago when our family went through The Great Purge. While that was what I thought would be the purging of all purging, I was wrong. Was it life-changing? Yes, definitely. Did it seem magical? Absolutely. Is it indefinite? Nope.
With the release of Marie Kondo’s new eight episode series on Netflix, I have a renewed zest for tidying up and I am finding much joy in the process. As with the first time we “tidied up” using her methods, there is much to be realized and much to be learned.
One of my first realizations as I started the process again is that we never went all the way through the process the first time. I mean, I knew we didn’t, but I didn’t quite realize the effect it had on everything else. The first Great Purge included almost everything, but we stopped or got side tracked or ran out of time when it was time to go through the papers, the photos, and the other sentimental items. I mean, we dabbled a bit with each, but we never really went through it all the way we were supposed to.
So here I am again…I have applied the KonMari Method to my drawers and closets, I have applied the method to the kids’ clothes, toys, and costumes, and I have applied the method to the books we have remaining from the first Great Purge. It’s now time to move on to papers and then to photos.
The photos. That’s where my new realizations and lessons learned are coming into play. Going though the clothes and toys and books was super easy this go round, but once again, I find myself stopping short going through the photos. It’s not that I am having trouble getting rid of any of them. The truth is, I doubt I toss any—ok, I’ll toss a few. I mean, we’re talking about years of photos taken with old school cameras and film where you have no idea what your pictures look like until you remember to drop off your film, then finally to pick up your film, then finally to look through the pictures you took. I can assure you there are tossable photos—the ones where there are 15 shots of the same picture because the kid kept squirming or looking away. Then there are the ones that are blurry, the ones where your eyes are closed, and the ones where the lighting was so bad you can’t be sure exactly what you were trying to take a picture of in the first place.
No, the trouble for me is just going through the photos and processing those moments of my life…those moments captured on those old rolls of film (along with the negatives because goodness knows we needed those negatives!).
Earlier this week I sat down with our three oldest kids, ages 17, 14, and 12. We looked through years and years of their photos from the time they were infants up through the year we all started taking pictures with our phones. We oohed and aaahed over newborn photos, we laughed over all the dress up photos, we reminisced over all the birthday photos. They would look, comment on what a cute kid they were, and then move on to the next envelope (and ask, “What are all these black strips in the back of this envelope?” Kids, they don’t appreciate negatives apparently).
I took a little longer on each photo. I saw the newborn baby in the photo and the family all crowded in the delivery room to welcome the newest addition. But I also saw that baby’s mom…me…smiling in the pictures but being scared to death on the inside. Scared and exhausted. Scared and exhausted and still smiling.
I looked through the photos of the kids all dressed up. Dressed up for a dance recital, dressed up for a basketball game, dressed up for kindergarten graduation, dressed up to play pretend. But I also saw that mom….me…somewhere in the background. If it was for a special occasion, there I was smiling. But I know that mom spent her day making sure their clothes were bought or clean or ready. I know that mom cleaned the house to have the family over after the special event where there would be cake and snacks for everyone to celebrate. I know that mom was exasperated from picking up costumes after the kids ransacked the costume toy box after an afternoon of fun play time.
As the kids looked through all their birthday photos, I saw that mom, too…me…somewhere on the sidelines. I remember every single birthday as if that to-do list is still sitting in my purse. The invitations, the decorations, the gifts, the cleaning the house before, the cleaning the house after, the visiting, the finances, the hype before, and the reality afterwards. I see that mom, welcoming all of the guests, timing the activities, singing the song, cutting the cake, and finally, finally tucking in that little birthday boy or girl at the end of a very long sugar-rushed day.
The truth is, I don’t regret any of it. I don’t look back and wish I had gotten more sleep or wish they didn’t have so many costumes or wish we would have been more low-key on the birthdays. As the kids looked through the photos, they shared story after story and kept gasping saying, “Aw, I remember that!”
The truth is, if I had to do it all over again, there is only one thing I would change…me. I would have allowed myself to let go a little, ask for help, and to not worry so much. I would have tried to enjoy all of those moments more. I would have focused more on the birthday fun and less on the birthday mess. I would have dressed up like a princess with the girls instead of acting more like the wicked witch about the costumes not being picked up. I would have gotten in more photos, right there with the kids, and would have spent less time on the sidelines worrying about things that just aren’t that important.
Don’t get me wrong, when the big kids were little they had a lot of fun. And there were plenty of times I had a lot of fun right there with them. But there were also all those times I fretted and I worried and I let many things get in the way of me just enjoying the love and the fun and the joy that was all around me.
So what now? Well, I am going to keep sifting and sorting through the photos with the kids and we are going to make albums…together…and I think it will be a lot of fun. And in true Marie Kondo style, I am going to look at that young mother in those photos, and I am going to thank her for all that she did. She was a hard little worker and did everything with a lot of love. Then, I am going to find the moments then and now that spark the most joy, and those are the moments I am going to try to have more of more often. The truth is, as I continue to purge, I will purge as much fear and worry and anxiety out of my life as I possibly can. I’m pretty sure that’s going to leave plenty of room for things that are way more fun!
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