How Do You Know?

One night this past week our six-year-old showed up to our bedroom door at 4:00 in the morning.  You know how this is going to turn out…

“Mom….Mom….”

“Yes? Huh? What?”

“I threw up in my bed.”

Of course you did.

I immediately jumped up out of bed, flicked on a lamp, got her into my bathroom, and got the shower turned on.  I pulled her out of her yucky pajamas, tried to keep her contaminated hair out of her face, and then got her into the shower.  I made sure to keep the door to our bedroom closed as to not wake up my hubby whose alarm would be going off in just a couple of hours for work.  I stayed with her for several minutes to make sure she felt ok and had everything she needed to take care of herself.  My next thought was to creep out of the bathroom while she was showering so I could go strip her bed and get everything into the wash.

Amid all this craziness, I was reminded of a piece of marriage advice I like to give.  Well, maybe not advice as much as it is my answer whenever I am asked, “How do you know?”  

Back when my hubby and I were still dating, I remember asking my spiritual director in one of our meetings, how would I know? How would I know this is the person I am supposed to marry? How would I know this is “the one?” She had been happily married for several years, had a large family, and I really trusted what she had to say.  Her wise and never forgotten response was if you could see that person and picture your children looking like them, then you may have found “the one.”

It was a great answer and I tested it out the very next time I had a date with my later-to-be husband.  He walked through the door, I took one long and good look, and I could just picture the little darlings! Ok, maybe I didn’t picture FIVE little darlings, but the proof was enough for me.

After several years of marriage, I kept that advice in my repertoire of responses, but I added a little of my own learned wisdom to it when I was asked, “How do you know?”

My answer is this…picture your future together, picture this person’s face, picture this person’s response.  Let’s say it’s 2:00 in the morning, you both have work the next day, the baby is up again, he’s hungry, and there are no clean bottles.  Or how about, you are down to your last $7 in your bank account, you don’t get paid until tomorrow, and the little one needs to go to the doctor.  Or the checking account is overdrawn.  Or you both decided to hold off on having another baby and you just took a positive pregnancy test. Or it’s 4:00 am on a weekday morning, the alarm will go off soon, and there’s throw up in your daughter’s hair, on her clothes, and in her bed.

When you picture this future, is this the person you can picture it with?  If the answer is yes, you may have found “the one.”

As I walked out of the bathroom and through our bedroom I noticed my hubby wasn’t in bed.  I made my way to our daughter’s room and there he was, scrubbing the mattress, the soiled bedding already stripped off and ready to be washed. 

When I walked into her room, he turned to me to let me know he already washed off her toys, what setting does he use on the washing machine, and was she ok?

I will tell you, I have never loved that man more than I did in that moment. 

We are no longer young twenty-somethings dreaming about careers, kids, and houses.  We have lived a full life of dreaming together, and we have loved through the moments of stark reality. I will tell you, it’s that man of mine cleaning that bedroom at 4:00 am that sets my heart a flutter.  

The truth is, it’s those yucky, sucky, nose-goes moments that show you what true love really is.  It may not be what you picture when you envision your future together, but you should.  And if you can picture it and your heart beats faster, you better get to the church!