What We Say to Ourselves

I have already shared about my “inside voice” and how it keeps me from saying things aloud when they are better off kept quiet.  But there is another voice inside my head, one that I have to be very careful whether I will listen to or not.

I remember there was this little song we would sing at VBS when we were kids.  It was something like, “Be careful little eyes what you see” and “Be careful little feet where you go” and “Be careful little words what you say.”

I would like to add on to that last part…what I think it should say is “Be careful little words what you say…to YOURSELF!”  

I think there is a great deal of importance put on the things we say to others.  We grow up being told to be nice, if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all, and words hurt.  As kids, anytime we would say something mean or unkind to someone else we would be scolded and told to apologize to the other person.  That’s all good stuff and all valuable lessons.  I just would like to add on these words to the end of each of those…”to YOURSELF.”  Like “Be nice…to yourself,” and “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all…to YOURSELF,” and “Words hurt….YOURSELF.”

I am learning that one of, if not the most, powerful voices in my ear is most often ME.  There are times I am very kind and there are times that I am not.  There are times I am very forgiving and there are times that I am not.

There was a time in the early stages of starting the Core Truths blog I felt like I was on top of the world.  The blog had gained quite a bit of momentum much sooner than I had anticipated.  I was literally shocked by the number of people who were reading, commenting, and sharing the latest blog posts.  I seriously could not believe that what I had envisioned would happen one day was happening at that very moment.  It was crazy!  I found myself saying to myself “I have really done it.  I am a blogger.  What I have to say is worth it to others!”  It was some good stuff!

Then the next week the blog post went flat.  I don’t know what it was, but it was just not as huge a hit as some previous weeks.  And that’s when it happened.  That’s when the negative voice inside my head started saying mean and unkind things.  That’s when I could hear the unbelief in the words I was saying to myself.  The negative voice was talking to me and telling me awful things.

“You’re not a writer!” 

“How long did you really think that was going to last?”

“You just aren’t being real enough.”

“You might as well just quit here.”

That negative voice sure was persistent and it totally made me forget everything I had believed up to that point.  It’s like the words were able to remove every feeling of success I felt before that moment.  And no matter what, the voice just kept talking, over and over, saying such negative things.

Suddenly, somehow, I realized that negative voice was going to have to hush up!  I would never in a million years say the things to someone else that I was saying to myself!  

Think about it, if one of my kids had a shortfall, a bad day, or just somehow missed the mark, I would say, “Get up, dust yourself off, it’s just this one thing.”  But if I miss the mark, suddenly I am talking to myself like it is the end of the world!

Thankfully, I am most often able to quiet that very negative voice in my head.  As soon as I realized the things I was saying to myself, I simply told that negative voice it would have to be quiet because I had other things to think about: things like what I would write about the next week and how I might better connect with those reading the blog weekly.  I was able to remind myself of the success and the feeling of success from earlier weeks.  I basically had to tell that voice to just stop it because I had better things to do than to listen to all that negativity.

The truth is, negativity creeps up quickly.  The voice inside of us is probably one of the most powerful tools we have in our personal arsenal.  We can literally choose each and every day if we will use that voice to build ourselves up or to tear ourselves down.  The voice can be one of fierce judgement or loving forgiveness.  The voice can be one of debilitating pessimism or unabashed optimism.  The voice can slow you down or speed you up, it can move you away from or closer to your goals at the drop of a hat.

The only thing you really have to do is to know who it is that is talking to you.  When you do hear that negative voice inside of you, just be ready to tell it where to go, that it has no room in your life, and then tell it what you are going to do next!