What Did You Do Right?

Today, as we end our spring break, I unpacked my suitcase for a trip I never took (now that’s an entirely other story for another day).  I can say for sure that this week did not go as I had originally planned, and I did not do the things I originally thought I would do.  

For starters, I had planned to revamp the blog website, I had planned to read a new book, and I had planned to figure out how to put on some dang parental controls on my kids’ cell phones.  None of those things happened.  

I’m not here to complain, rather I am here to say…it’s ok.

And that is what I have to say to each and every one of you taking time out of your crazy busy life to read this here and now…it’s ok.  Whatever it is, wherever you are, whatever you did or did not do today…it’s ok.

Several years ago when I quit working full-time to stay home, I found something missing…something that I needed.  It’s something between affirmation and accountability.  As a teacher, I was used to expectations and deadlines, I was accustomed to having certain things done a certain way by a certain time.  When I would do things as I should and when I should, most often things would continue to go smoothly, I would be in good standing with parents, students, and colleagues, and I would even get a “thank you” or a “good job” from time to time.  

As a stay-at-home mom of both teens and toddlers, I didn’t necessarily find that same professional decorum.  Even on my best and most-prepared days, a kid might still throw a temper tantrum throwing off the rest of the day.  Even on days when I am slated to have everything ready on time, there’s an inevitable accident that slows everything down.  Even when everything is going as it should, there’s still an exhaustive list of items that just don’t get done or some kid whose need just isn’t met (you know, not enough toothpaste on the toothbrush or socks that have an itchy seam).  I found myself night after night running the day through my head thinking about all the things I just couldn’t do or didn’t do or forgot to do or that I needed to do the next day.

One of my favorite lines from the show “Mad Men” is when Don Draper says, “If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.” That’s exactly what I had to do in the middle of my nightly ritual of all the “didn’t dos” for that day.  I simply had to stop what was being said and change the conversation.

After some clear self-talk, I changed my nightly conversation to “What did I do right today?” I am serious.  I literally ask myself this question every night before I go to sleep.  If I lose my cool with one of the kids in the morning, then my “what I did right” might be that I was quick to apologize and I sent that kid off to school on the right note.  If I didn’t do the laundry that was piled up like I thought I would, then my “what I did right” might be that I read a story to our little one before his nap instead of washing clothes.  

I eventually realized that for every task that didn’t get done, another one did.  Usually it was something not originally on the to-do list, but it was surely important, at least at that moment.

So I am here to tell you, whatever you thought you would do over spring break or over this weekend that did not get done…it’s ok.  

If you thought you would read a book but didn’t…it’s ok.

If you thought you would finally Marie Kondo your entire house but didn’t…it’s ok.

If you thought you would potty train your toddler but it didn’t happen…it’s ok.

If you thought you and your teen would finally pick a college and you’re now more unsure than before…it’s ok.

If you thought you would have all the laundry done by now and it isn’t…it’s ok.

If you thought you would be ready for Monday and you’re just not…it’s ok.

If you think about it, I promise you, for every task on your list that isn’t done, you can think of other things that you did do instead.  Maybe instead of reading that new book, you let your brain and your body relax and you binge-watched Fixer Upper with your family.  Maybe instead of having those future college plans nailed down with your teen, you went off the beaten path and added a few new ones to your list…muddying the waters, sure, but you have so much more to talk about and to consider now.  Maybe instead of doing all that laundry, you watched the kids perform made up cheer and gymnastic routines on the trampoline.

The truth is, whatever it is you did, it was important and you did it.

So here is your new to-do list for you for tomorrow.  First off, don’t apologize.  So what the laundry isn’t done or the kid isn’t potty trained or the house is more a wreck now than before you started to Marie Kondo the whole thing.  It doesn’t matter.  The truth is, you can change the conversation.  Talk about all the fun you had, the new show you watched, or your favorite thing you watched your kid do.  And secondly, when you talk to yourself when you go to bed at night, the only thing you should be worried about is what did you do right.  The truth is, no matter what you did or didn’t do today…it’s ok!