You Can't Be Happy

You can’t be happy…ok, let me finish that out.  You can’t be happy somewhere else until you are happy right where you are.

Makes sense, right?

This is something my mom would tell me when I was growing up.  I don’t remember specifically when or why she would have told me this.  Maybe it was when my sisters and I were teenagers, and we were wanting to get out of being homeschooled and wanted to go to public school instead.  Maybe it was after my parents had split up and later divorced.  Moving over a thousand miles away from my high school and friends was very difficult, and was one of the lowest times of my young life.  Or maybe it wasn’t anything major at all when she would tell me this.  Maybe it was some random time I was complaining about whatever there was for me to complain about at the time.  Whatever or whenever it was, she would tell me, you can’t be happy somewhere else until you are happy right where you are. 

I do remember me rolling my eyes when she would say this—-ok, yes, I must have definitely been a teenager at the time.  My thought was, if I was happy right where I was, then why would I want to move on? Duh!

But like most other words of wisdom spoken by those who have had far more experiences than we have, I eventually came to understand what she was talking about and what she meant.   And have lived by these words whole-heartedly ever since.

I have come to realize happiness is one of those things that when you seek it specifically, you are often missing the mark…and most often you are missing the point.

I have also come to realize that when seeking happiness, no matter what you do, no matter where you go, there is always one common denominator.

In my relatively short life, I have experienced my fair share of heartache, set backs, disappointments, and trials.  I have experienced both complacency and change, both standing still and making drastic moves.  I have found that when done for the right reasons and at the right time, it’s like a miracle happening all around you.  I have also found that when any of these things are done out of fear or some self-seeking quest, where you end up is often no better than where or what you left behind.

I talk to people all the time…people who are looking for love, people looking for a promotion, people looking to move up or move out, people looking for friendships and relationships, people looking for ways to just be happy.  I have been, and at times I still am, one of those people.  

You know the drill, you start this train of thought like, “If I could just get that promotion, then everything would be better.” Or, “If I could just find a husband, my life would be the way I want it to be.” Or, “If I could just find a good group of friends, I would get out and do more things and I would feel better.”  We somehow get into this circular argument with ourselves convincing ourselves there is some outside factor that is impeding us from really doing the things we want to do and feeling the way we want to feel.

Well, let me tell you what I have learned.  It is when I come to terms with who I am and what I am doing that I can really focus.  It is when I can approach my current reality with a grateful heart that I see more of what I have and less of what I am lacking.  It is when I give of myself for no reason other than to give that I begin to receive more than what I could have ever asked for.  It is when I become happy with who I am and what I am doing that I can open the door to doing anything else.  

The truth is, when we only seek happiness, and we bring about changes thinking we are getting closer to it, we bring one very specific thing with us…ourselves.  It is the common denominator to our current reality and our future dreams.  It is the common denominator that allows us to be happy right where we are before we can be satisfied any place else or with anyone else.

Now, I know what you might be thinking, “Well, if I am happy where I am, why would I want things to change?” And trust me, I feel you!  

I have found that sometimes, once that inward change occurs, we see there really isn’t anything else we need to do…at least for now.  And sometimes that inward change allows things to move and improve and work together and to bring about change in ways that were before unimaginable.   I truly believe it is the open and willing and grateful heart that allows those changes to occur and to be embraced.

The truth is, we hold way more power over ourselves and our situations than we give ourselves credit.  The truth is, we possess everything we need to embrace a full and wonderful life.  Do you have to be patient? Almost always.  Is it easy? Most often, no.  Is it worth it? Absolutely.  Like my mama always said, “Be happy where you are.”